2x2 → what we can & should control

Focus on one, avoid another, ignore the other two

If this might be useful for someone you know, please pass this on.

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There’s a pearl of wisdom that goes a little like ‘focus on what you can control’.

A number of luminaries have articulated the idea over the years:

• Eleanor Roosevelt: ‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.’

• Ryan Holiday, drawing on the Stoics, says: ’Focus on what you can control, let go of the rest.’

• Epictetus (Greek Stoic Philosopher), a little before Ryan: ‘There are things which are within our power, and there are things which are beyond our power.’

• Rick Rubin, to stirring music, here: ‘Putting any energy into that part, that’s out of your control, is a waste of time.’ 

• Maya Angelou: 'You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.'

Timeboxing has a certain light to shine on this particular pearl. What we say we’re going to do (setting intentions, planning) is in our control. Doing it when we’ve said we would is also in our control. The outcomes of any of that are not. Timeboxing is the planning and the doing. Timeboxing is a tangible way of getting to the all-important what-we-can-control. 

Adding a positive/negative axis gives us an instructive 2x2 matrix: 

Going around, clockwise, from the top-left…

We control — positive

These are life’s gratifying experiences which require a little effort to start with but deliver a lasting happiness. We tend to be more inclined towards good intentions such as these when we have the time and space to think of them. 

This is the only quadrant you need to spend more effort and time in. 

We control — negative

The quadrant to avoid. Many of us will a lot by taking back control of the Big Three Distractions: phones, email and the windmills of our minds.  

We don’t control — negative

Accept them and know that they will pass. Their effects are fleeting.

We don’t control — positive

Enjoy them when they happen but don’t hope for them or count on them. They will come when they come but their effects, too, are fleeting.